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Posted March 23, Reviewed by Lybi Ma. Beautiful, fit, desirable—and desiring—women regularly make sex therapy appointments to complain about husbands who don't want sex. When men are passionately involved with their careers, they can sublimate sexual excitement that would normally be directed toward their wives.
The accolades, money, and ego boost from being regularly praised, or promoted, can be a turn-on. He doesn't want to negotiate sex, so takes his desire, literally, into his own hands. He masturbates to porn or his own fantasies because it's quick and efficient. Some men feel exquisite vulnerability at being dependent on another person for their desire to be quenched. Boys can internalize the idea that being dependent makes them less male.
And childhood patterns of interrupted care, or neglect from constantly busy parentscan cause boys—and girls—to decide that needing is dangerous. A reticent, kind, male patient who struggled with low libido finally opened up about three aspects of his libido: One part was an awkward teenager who felt anxious about initiating. A second part was a something, feminist male who thought sex was degrading for women. The third aspect—a caveman—was horny and hungry for sex. He said that the first two characters always outvoted the blatant needs of the third and so he remained silent with his wife about his desire.
She listened in awe as her usually quiet husband revealed his complexity, later asking if just once she might have sex with his caveman. To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory. Worry is driven by mood, not logic. Anxiety holds your deepest yearnings. And you can subdue it for good. Three experts turn everything you know about anxiety inside out.
Key points When men are passionately involved with their careers, it can sometimes override their sexual desire. Anxiety about erectile dysfunction or relying excessively on masturbation can contribute to a man's lack of sexual interest. Therapy can help resolve issues with desire that stem from a man's psychological conflict. About the Author. Read Next. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Personality Passive Aggression Personality Shyness. Family Life Child Development Parenting. View Help Index.
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September A Sigh of Relief Worry is driven by mood, not logic. Back Today. Essential Re.Married wants real sex San Francisco
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